Tynee Talks: Things we should actually BAN instead of Muslims...

Tynee Talks: Things we should actually ban instead of Muslims...

President Business, out here cuttin' up in real life! The Orange Terror has enacted a Muslim Ban for 90 days, and that's messed up. Of all the things he could be concerned about, this Apricot Asshole Ass ninja,  is damaging our country and ruining families. Since he's handing out jobs to unqualified demons left and right, he may as well appoint me ( a sane, normal person) to an office to ban things. He needs to allow me to ban things, that actually need to be banished from this county and the world in general.

For starters he should have banned the following:

Le Fuq Boys: Fuq Boys need to be banished and terminated. They serve no purpose. All they do is ruin lives, hurt feelings, and lie. Fuq Boys always want honor, when they are the most dishonorable mofos on the planet. If anybody is worth banning, it should have definitely been them.

Long A** Job Applications: There is no reason, a job application should be almost 2 hours long! Stop with these asinine questionnaires, that do not really let you know if this employee will be a good fit. If a person meets the initial job requirements, schedule homeboy for an interview. And if a person uploads their resume, stop requiring that they still input their job history. Losing 2 hours of life, and then receiving a rejection email is not cool. Ban this shit!

Mona Scott Young: Exhibit A: VH1 on Mondays & Wednesdays. Nuff said!

Photo Credit: http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/

Student Loan Repayment: Ban Student Loan repayments if the graduate doesn't land a high paying job; that the U.S. Department of Labor Statistics has estimated their salary should be. If a person uses the majority of their check to pay bills, just to live, then they shouldn't have to repay the loan, because clearly the degree was fraud!

Ban Donald from Melania: Listen, Donald Trump shouldn't be allowed within 50 feet of Melania. He needs to be banned from her presence at all times, because clearly she's in clear and present danger! #FreeMelania

 

Tynee Talks: ALTERNATIVE FACTS!

Tynee Talks: Alternative Facts!

 

Photo Credit:
 http://www.stuff.co.nz/world/americas/88684214/seanspicersays-The-perfect-meme-for-the-alternative-facts-era

A new White House Administration, not only ushers in a new President of the United States of America, but a whole new staff, and among that staff, includes a new Press Secretary. White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, wasted no time lying on national television to the American public. I mean this man lied like we weren’t collectively looking at the same thing, as the same damn time.

Photo Credit: Google Images

To make light of his lying ass, his homegirl, White House Counsel Kellyanne Conway, told NBC's Meet The Press, that he didn’t give falsehoods, he gave ALTERNATIVE FACTS! Ladies and gentleman this is not a joke, this heffa got on national t.v. and said her mans didn’t lie, he gave ALTERNATIVE FACTS! I mean where they do that at?

So to continue in the example of key White House staff members, I’m going to list a few Alternative Facts… Maybe if I believe in the bullshit long enough, they'll actually turn into fact.

Bruh Man actually lives on the 5^th floor…

Kim Kardashian  hasn't dated a lot of men…

Photo Credit: http://www.topgistng.com/2015/02/checkout-all-men-kim-kardashian-has.html

Slavery was actually unpaid farming…

Rachel Dolezal is a dark-skinned African American Woman…

Photo Credit: Heavy.com 

Kanye West is sane, and I’d trust him to make key decisions in my life…

Photo Credit: http://ijr.com/2014/08/165381-kanye-west-dealing-paparrazi-blacks-faced-civil-rights-struggle/

Michelle Williams was relevant in Destiny’s Child…

Destiny’s Child wasn’t a set-up to make Beyonce’ a solo star…

K. Michelle & Keyshia Cole would be great at teaching etiquette classes to young girls…

Whenever he says “Just the tip” he means it…

Viola Davis doesn’t walk hard in every scene in every movie…

Peter Gunz straps up every time, but the condom usually breaks…

Photo Credit: VH1.com 

Trump means well… 

Photo Credit: http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-making-fun-reporters-disability/story?id=35463888

Tynee Talks: Colored Lipstick for Colored Girls

Colored Lipstick

I came across the interesting picture posted above. Harsh comments were attached to the picture and the comments really ruffled my feathers. Not, because I’m sensitive to the craziness that comes with being online, but the fact that there’s an idea floating around, that Black women wearing unconventional lipstick, somehow makes them mentally ill clowns. This truly struck a chord with me, one because I take mental illness very seriously and two, because Black women can don whatever the hell they want. About 2 years ago, two Black women from Detroit, MI, were on ABC’s Shark Tank. They were looking to get a distribution deal for their Lip Bar lipstick line. They were insulted and told that their idea to have these varying shades of lipsticks was a waste of time. These two entrepreneurs are now reaping the benefits of not being conventional and coloring outside the lines. The Lip Bar is now exclusively sold at Target stores nationwide. I say all that to say, that the young lady in the picture could be rocking the Lip Bar products in an effort to support Black business. Or maybe she enjoys matching her shirts with her lipstick, hell I know I do!

Photo Credit: http://inwiththesharks.com/shark-tank-season-6-episode-18-recap/

My eyes were literally bulging out of my sockets at some of the comments I was reading. I mean, sure this woman was rocking turquoise lipstick to match her turquoise tank top, but the way these internet trolls attacked her character based on these feats were atrocious. Things like she must not have a job, she’s ugly, she’s mentally ill, she’s making a mockery out of Black women, etc… Well guess what, she could be making 6 figures and chooses to experiment with various colors like this on her off days. Everybody is attractive to someone. Unless you’re a board certified Psychiatrist, please don’t give out diagnoses to someone you’ve never even had a conversation with. And lastly, just because she chose to wear a wild lip color, doesn’t make a mockery out of Black women, it actually 

shows the diversity among Black women. Point. Blank. Period. Stop projecting your self hate on Black women. Stop trying to police their bodies. Stop trying to place Black women in boxes they don't fit in. Because, as soon as they do conform to what is conventional and traditional they get attacked for that also. They are then accused of trying to be like others, instead of their authentic selves. I guess that would drive someone mentally ill. Black women aren't allowed to live out loud and be carefree, so therefore we try and create safe spaces for our self expression so that we don't run the risk of being beaten down with harmful words. For years we were told that our natural crowns appeared to be clownish aw well. Now we rock our Afros unapologetically. We were told our lips and butts were too big. We were told that our features looked like a circus act, and we were literally put on display at the circus. Now errrybody and they Momma trying to buy what we got. 

So, hey Black girl, keep rocking your bright colors and spreading your magic.Wearing bright colors on your lips does not mean you have some underlying mental health issue. Therefore, continue to wear your bright lipstick and live your life care free and in color. Cause we all know, imitation is to follow and it’s the best form of flattery.  

Tynee Talks: Procreation Practice with her Top 5

Procreation Practice with my Top Five

Listen, if we lived in a perfect world, every 5 years I’d marry and divorce the men in my dreams, so that I could have Procreation Practice on the regular. Procreation Practice is the act of intercourse without any intention of having children or procreating some form of life. I mean I ain’t trying to have a gang of kids populating the Earth and I don’t want to be considered a heaux; so, the best option is to marry and divorce these hotties and get plenty of practice in the meantime. In a perfect world I’d have Procreation Practice aka do the naked tango, aka do the no pants dance, aka share my lady parts with the following Top 5 perfect humans:

Noah aka Aldis Hodge

I have previously told ya’ll I would gladly transport back to slavery if Aldis/Noah was leading me through the Underground Railroad. I’m here for procreation practice in a shack.

Photo Credit: Brian To / WENN

Ralph Angel Bordelon  aka Kofi Siriboe

Procreation practice with this heartthrob would be everything! We could practice in the middle of the sugarcane farm or on a tractor. I wouldn’t even care if he cried about Darla afterwards.

Aug. 28, 2016 - Source: Mike Windle/Getty Images North America

Cotton Mouth aka Mahershala Ali

I’d have procreation practice in a New York minute with Cotton Mouth on a subway to Harlem on a rooftop of his club under the Moonlight. (See what I did there?)

Photo Credit: http://www.denofgeek.com/uk/tv/marvels-luke-cage/44167/marvels-luke-cage-mahershala-ali-cottonmouth-interview

 Marshawn Lynch

Although he’s retired, procreation practice on the 50 yard line is still ideal. I’d be like: “Aye Marshawn, you know why I’m here!”

John David Washington

John David is procreation practice worthy because No. 1 he’s fine as hell!  And No. 2, he’s Denzel Washington’s offspring! And from what I’m told an apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. So, it’s pretty apparent that knocking boots with John David on any stage or movie set is the best thing for my life. As a matter fact, practice would turn into game time, because I definitely would need to produce a child from this man. He's a keeper and I wouldn't divorce him for obvious reasons. 

Photo Credit: Getty Images and HBO

Tell me who you’re trying to have Procreation Practice with… 

Tynee Talks: A Compilation of Things We Must Say Goodbye to in 2016!

Tynee Talks: Things We Must Say Goodbye to in 2016 and leave there!

Photo Credit: BRAVO TV

We rang in the year 2016 A.D. with great anticipation and high hopes; however by April 2016, it was determined that 2016 was full of cow dung, and we weren’t even at our halfway point. 2016 had some exhilarating highs and Lamar Odum lows, but all in all, ni**a we made it! Even if Donald Trump is our President-elect, and even if I’m convinced that his wife is actually Evelyn Salt; I have to believe we will be okay, at least for the sake of my sanity! So, in the famous words of King Kendrick Lamar, “We gone be alright.”

However, in order for us to actually be alright, move forward in our ways, and in our thinking; there are some things we must leave behind in 2016.  If we want 2017 to have a damn chance, we must cancel some shit and leave it in 2016!

Since most people are trying to jump out of 2016, like a Titanic passenger trying to get on a life boat, my friends and I have a compiled a list of things that should stay in 2016 and never be seen again!

TRUMP: Sorry homie: YOU’RE FIRED! So take your lousy, yella (bright orange), no good keister to Russia!

Illustration Credit: Bill Kirchner-Washington Post

FACEBOOK LIVE: Face it! We’re tired of seeing ya’ll mediocre a** lives interrupting our daily schedules, getting pointless notifications about you smoking weed, or talking nonsense. Unless, you’re in a deadly situation: STOP. GOING. LIVE.

FLAT TUMMY TEA: ATTENTION HEAUXS stop with the flat tummy tea already. Here’s an option: Work tf out!

Young Thug, Lil Yachty, Any New Rapper: May ya’ll crawl back into the HUD HOUSES from whence ya’ll came! Lil ROACHES!

Rare Photo of Young Thug, Lil Yachty, and Lil Uzi Vert

WOKE FOLK: I’m so sick of you fake “WOKE” folk! Half of ya’ll sleep walking. Most of ya’ll ill- informed, and all of ya’ll get on my everlasting nerve! In the words of the prophet Ludacris: Go to sleep hoe!

 

BLONDE KANYE: Listen, I have tried my best to defend you fam, but you’re killing me Smalls! Like I’m pleading with you to Cut. It. Out!

Photo Credit: okmagazine.com 

FAKE LOVE: Can we go back to keepin’ it real for a moment shall we? Ummm, if you don’t like something or someone don’t be fake, just go your separate ways. Pretending takes too much work.

RACISM: We’ve been trying to delete you for a long time, but just like dandruff, you always appear. Seriously, we’re over it. Sincerely, A colored girl! 

Tynee Talks to Monica Slayton Creator of CarloMoni Hair Freshener

Tynee Talks to Monica Slayton Creator of CarloMoni Hair Freshener

Monica is the Product Developer for CarloMoni Hair Products. She has been a licensed Cosmetologist for over 20 years, but has been involved with hair since she chopped off her doll baby’s hair in the late 70s and cut off her Cousin Tammy’s ponytail in the early 80s. She is the Owner and Operator of MoniCarlos Hair Creations located at 2491 East Ave. Akron, OH 44314. Monica is now stepping from behind the chair to revolutionize the billion dollar hair care product industry. CarloMoni Hair Freshener can be purchased at www.carlomonihaircare.com

Tynee Talks: What is Hair Freshener?

Monica Slayton: It’s Febreeze for your hair.

TT: How did you come to develop this product?

MS: Surprisingly, the idea stemmed from men complaining about how their woman’s hair smelled. Women tend to not notice that their hair is giving off an odor, but the men notice.  I was also tired of my hair taking on the scents of things I was around like cooking grease if I cooked, or cigarette smoke, if I happened to be around someone who smoked. Most women don’t notice because they are immune to it, but others definitely notice.

TT: So, there is definitely a need for this product?

MS: Absolutely! I met with a couple of Chemists in North Carolina and California, which then led me to a Chemist in Downtown Akron, OH. I told the Chemist what I was looking for in a product. I didn’t’ want it to be harsh on the hair or too heavy, and together with my hair expertise and their scientific expertise, hair magic was created in a bottle!

TT: Can you describe this product to my readers?

MS: The great thing about Hair Freshener is that it can co-exist with your other hair products. You don’t have to change your hair regimen. It’s a welcomed addition to your haircare routine. Hair Freshener is light weight, non-oily, can be used on ALL hair types, has natural ingredients, and has a fresh scent.

TT: Is there any other product on the market comparable to Hair Freshener?

MS: NO! This is a signature product! Its plant based and it also cleanses the scalp

TT: So, basically this product is a weave lover’s dream?

MS: Yes, one could say that! Loc Lovers love the product as well and women who don’t feel like washing their hair every day.

TT: What’s something unique about your product?

MS: Not only does it deodorize hair, it also eliminates marijuana odors. It takes the “weed” smell out of the hair. It can be applied to the fingertips as well to get rid of the stench smoke leaves behind. It’s multipurpose and can be used on pillows and head scarfs.

TT: How much is this product?

MS: $14.99 for 4oz bottle

CarloMoni Hair Freshener can be purchased at www.carlomonihaircare.com

Dear Kanye`

Dear Kanye’,

Photo Credit: Damian Dovarganes/ Associated Press

They don’t see your pain, but I do. I’ve been rocking with you ever since you told me to walk with Jesus, to get on your workout plan and that you’d never let me down. However, you’ve seemingly fallen short on the latter, and you have let me down, more times than I’d ever like to admit. I don’t like to make excuses for people, but I do know that what we’ve seen play out in your life these last couple of years is a direct result of your Mother’s death.

I’ve heard the critics and naysayers, weigh in on numerous occasions saying that Yeezy, should have gotten over his Mother’s death many moons ago, and that his rants and erratic behavior shouldn’t be placed on the death of his mother. Well, guess what? They’re wrong!!!! There’s no expiration date on grief, especially when that grief is tied to the loss of your Mother. I know your mother, Donda West, was not only your direct link into the world, but also your best friend, biggest supporter, and confidante. We saw Donda infused in your music. We saw Donda grace the red carpets with you.

Photo Credit: Reed Saxon/AP

We saw ya’ll express in countless interviews ya’ll love for each other. It was real, so real, that when your Mother left this Earth we all felt it. At least I know I did. A shift took place. There was a shift in your countenance, your behavior, and your music. And it’s no secret that your Mother’s death shook you to the core. 

So to all you Critical Carol’s and Negative Nancy’s, understand this: A mother’s death can make you lose your mind. A mother's death can make you want to die. (Please refer to Bobbi Kristina Brown, if you think I’m lying) Going on with life seems like such a chore, and if you do decide to go on, it will never be in the same essence to which you lived before. Kanye, I love you and I don’t want you to die. I don’t want your mind to wander and you drift off to the dark spaces of your mind; where the void is so great, you just want to disappear, because no one seems to understand. But, guess what Ye’, I do understand. Please find joy in your memories and find peace in the eyes of your children. It’s hard Ye’, I know it is. I recognize your hurt and sorrow, but you must also recognize it too. Don’t bury yourself in grief, don’t hide your grief, press through it, and most importantly don’t let those negative thoughts overtake your mind. Be encouraged Kanye’, I love you and Donda does too, let her essence and spirit carry you through. 

Image Credit: tumblr.com 

Tynee Talks: Vagina... Keeping the Kitty Pretty...on the inside

Tynee Talks: Vagina Chronicles: Keeping the Kitty Pretty on the inside. 

Attention: This Blog is for everyone! Why? Because if you don’t have a vagina attached to your anatomy, chances are you came through a vagina, entered a vagina, played with a vagina, or at least smelled a vagina; whether it was willingly or by way of a public bathroom. Needless to say you’ve encountered a vagina in your lifetime, or at very least heard some talk about it.

Vaginas sometimes get a bad rep just for functioning properly i.e. normal discharge and also for not functioning properly i.e. smelly discharge and imbalanced pH, among other things. I saw a Facebook post the other day that read as follows: “I bet you bitches would be more humble if panty liners didn't exist.” And guess what, he’s probably right. Thank God for panty liners!!!  Although, the post was meant to be a joke and I get it, it still reeked of misogyny and ignorance. Vagina talk is taboo because many women are embarrassed about the subject or feel they are the only ones experiencing vaginal situations. I’m no doctor, but I want to reiterate to some and educate others on the importance of taking care of your vagina so that she doesn’t cause you any drama in the future. Some people actually believe that keeping the kitty pretty by waxing or shaving her is actually taking care of her, but in the words of Spinderella: “That’s not it.” 

The Doctor: First things first, be sure to get your vagina checked by a Gynecologist aka OB/GYN. Going to visit your Gyno can literally be a deciding factor in life or death. Whether you are sexually active, abstinent or a virgin you need to have your vagina and reproductive system checked for fibroids, cancer, disease, etc…

Soap & Water: Please let soap and water be your friends’ ladies. Wash your vagina with a mild soap, preferably DOVE. Use a towel and warm water. Wipe from front to back so as to not bring bacteria from your rear to your vagina. I know this seems basic, but some people still haven’t gotten the memo.

Discharge: It ain’t all that bad. Ladies and gentleman, having discharge is normal. The vagina cleanses itself naturally in the form of normal vaginal discharge. (That’s where panty liners come in) However, your discharge shouldn’t smell. If it does, you need to refer to my first point and go see a physician A-S-A-P.

pH Balance: A smelly vagina doesn’t mean you’re a THOT or that you have that nasty woman’s disease (See Color Purple); it could mean that your pH balance is off. pH refers to the vagina’s acidity level. A vaginal pH of 3.5 - 4.5 indicates that there is a perfect amount of good bacteria (lactobacilli), and no overgrowth of the bad bacteria that can cause odor, irritation and sometimes infection. At its extreme, the result of too much bad bacteria is bacterial vaginosis (BV).

Probiotics: In an effort to keep those acidity levels in check and to prevent yeast infections and BV, it is important to take probiotics like ACIDOPHOLIS to keep the kitty on point.

Foods that make the kitty purr and not smell: If you want a nice smelling vagina, be mindful of the foods you ingest. Eating grapes, pineapples, yogurt, and watermelon helps the vagina smell like GLADE and not GARBAGE. Remember spraying a gallon of Bath & Body Works Cherry Blossom or Love Spell on your va-jay-jay does not prevent bad odor, but what you eat can make all the difference.