Tynee Talks: A Compilation of Things We Must Say Goodbye to in 2016!

Tynee Talks: Things We Must Say Goodbye to in 2016 and leave there!

Photo Credit: BRAVO TV

We rang in the year 2016 A.D. with great anticipation and high hopes; however by April 2016, it was determined that 2016 was full of cow dung, and we weren’t even at our halfway point. 2016 had some exhilarating highs and Lamar Odum lows, but all in all, ni**a we made it! Even if Donald Trump is our President-elect, and even if I’m convinced that his wife is actually Evelyn Salt; I have to believe we will be okay, at least for the sake of my sanity! So, in the famous words of King Kendrick Lamar, “We gone be alright.”

However, in order for us to actually be alright, move forward in our ways, and in our thinking; there are some things we must leave behind in 2016.  If we want 2017 to have a damn chance, we must cancel some shit and leave it in 2016!

Since most people are trying to jump out of 2016, like a Titanic passenger trying to get on a life boat, my friends and I have a compiled a list of things that should stay in 2016 and never be seen again!

TRUMP: Sorry homie: YOU’RE FIRED! So take your lousy, yella (bright orange), no good keister to Russia!

Illustration Credit: Bill Kirchner-Washington Post

FACEBOOK LIVE: Face it! We’re tired of seeing ya’ll mediocre a** lives interrupting our daily schedules, getting pointless notifications about you smoking weed, or talking nonsense. Unless, you’re in a deadly situation: STOP. GOING. LIVE.

FLAT TUMMY TEA: ATTENTION HEAUXS stop with the flat tummy tea already. Here’s an option: Work tf out!

Young Thug, Lil Yachty, Any New Rapper: May ya’ll crawl back into the HUD HOUSES from whence ya’ll came! Lil ROACHES!

Rare Photo of Young Thug, Lil Yachty, and Lil Uzi Vert

WOKE FOLK: I’m so sick of you fake “WOKE” folk! Half of ya’ll sleep walking. Most of ya’ll ill- informed, and all of ya’ll get on my everlasting nerve! In the words of the prophet Ludacris: Go to sleep hoe!

 

BLONDE KANYE: Listen, I have tried my best to defend you fam, but you’re killing me Smalls! Like I’m pleading with you to Cut. It. Out!

Photo Credit: okmagazine.com 

FAKE LOVE: Can we go back to keepin’ it real for a moment shall we? Ummm, if you don’t like something or someone don’t be fake, just go your separate ways. Pretending takes too much work.

RACISM: We’ve been trying to delete you for a long time, but just like dandruff, you always appear. Seriously, we’re over it. Sincerely, A colored girl! 

Tynee Talks to Monica Slayton Creator of CarloMoni Hair Freshener

Tynee Talks to Monica Slayton Creator of CarloMoni Hair Freshener

Monica is the Product Developer for CarloMoni Hair Products. She has been a licensed Cosmetologist for over 20 years, but has been involved with hair since she chopped off her doll baby’s hair in the late 70s and cut off her Cousin Tammy’s ponytail in the early 80s. She is the Owner and Operator of MoniCarlos Hair Creations located at 2491 East Ave. Akron, OH 44314. Monica is now stepping from behind the chair to revolutionize the billion dollar hair care product industry. CarloMoni Hair Freshener can be purchased at www.carlomonihaircare.com

Tynee Talks: What is Hair Freshener?

Monica Slayton: It’s Febreeze for your hair.

TT: How did you come to develop this product?

MS: Surprisingly, the idea stemmed from men complaining about how their woman’s hair smelled. Women tend to not notice that their hair is giving off an odor, but the men notice.  I was also tired of my hair taking on the scents of things I was around like cooking grease if I cooked, or cigarette smoke, if I happened to be around someone who smoked. Most women don’t notice because they are immune to it, but others definitely notice.

TT: So, there is definitely a need for this product?

MS: Absolutely! I met with a couple of Chemists in North Carolina and California, which then led me to a Chemist in Downtown Akron, OH. I told the Chemist what I was looking for in a product. I didn’t’ want it to be harsh on the hair or too heavy, and together with my hair expertise and their scientific expertise, hair magic was created in a bottle!

TT: Can you describe this product to my readers?

MS: The great thing about Hair Freshener is that it can co-exist with your other hair products. You don’t have to change your hair regimen. It’s a welcomed addition to your haircare routine. Hair Freshener is light weight, non-oily, can be used on ALL hair types, has natural ingredients, and has a fresh scent.

TT: Is there any other product on the market comparable to Hair Freshener?

MS: NO! This is a signature product! Its plant based and it also cleanses the scalp

TT: So, basically this product is a weave lover’s dream?

MS: Yes, one could say that! Loc Lovers love the product as well and women who don’t feel like washing their hair every day.

TT: What’s something unique about your product?

MS: Not only does it deodorize hair, it also eliminates marijuana odors. It takes the “weed” smell out of the hair. It can be applied to the fingertips as well to get rid of the stench smoke leaves behind. It’s multipurpose and can be used on pillows and head scarfs.

TT: How much is this product?

MS: $14.99 for 4oz bottle

CarloMoni Hair Freshener can be purchased at www.carlomonihaircare.com

Dear Kanye`

Dear Kanye’,

Photo Credit: Damian Dovarganes/ Associated Press

They don’t see your pain, but I do. I’ve been rocking with you ever since you told me to walk with Jesus, to get on your workout plan and that you’d never let me down. However, you’ve seemingly fallen short on the latter, and you have let me down, more times than I’d ever like to admit. I don’t like to make excuses for people, but I do know that what we’ve seen play out in your life these last couple of years is a direct result of your Mother’s death.

I’ve heard the critics and naysayers, weigh in on numerous occasions saying that Yeezy, should have gotten over his Mother’s death many moons ago, and that his rants and erratic behavior shouldn’t be placed on the death of his mother. Well, guess what? They’re wrong!!!! There’s no expiration date on grief, especially when that grief is tied to the loss of your Mother. I know your mother, Donda West, was not only your direct link into the world, but also your best friend, biggest supporter, and confidante. We saw Donda infused in your music. We saw Donda grace the red carpets with you.

Photo Credit: Reed Saxon/AP

We saw ya’ll express in countless interviews ya’ll love for each other. It was real, so real, that when your Mother left this Earth we all felt it. At least I know I did. A shift took place. There was a shift in your countenance, your behavior, and your music. And it’s no secret that your Mother’s death shook you to the core. 

So to all you Critical Carol’s and Negative Nancy’s, understand this: A mother’s death can make you lose your mind. A mother's death can make you want to die. (Please refer to Bobbi Kristina Brown, if you think I’m lying) Going on with life seems like such a chore, and if you do decide to go on, it will never be in the same essence to which you lived before. Kanye, I love you and I don’t want you to die. I don’t want your mind to wander and you drift off to the dark spaces of your mind; where the void is so great, you just want to disappear, because no one seems to understand. But, guess what Ye’, I do understand. Please find joy in your memories and find peace in the eyes of your children. It’s hard Ye’, I know it is. I recognize your hurt and sorrow, but you must also recognize it too. Don’t bury yourself in grief, don’t hide your grief, press through it, and most importantly don’t let those negative thoughts overtake your mind. Be encouraged Kanye’, I love you and Donda does too, let her essence and spirit carry you through. 

Image Credit: tumblr.com 

Tynee Talks: Vagina... Keeping the Kitty Pretty...on the inside

Tynee Talks: Vagina Chronicles: Keeping the Kitty Pretty on the inside. 

Attention: This Blog is for everyone! Why? Because if you don’t have a vagina attached to your anatomy, chances are you came through a vagina, entered a vagina, played with a vagina, or at least smelled a vagina; whether it was willingly or by way of a public bathroom. Needless to say you’ve encountered a vagina in your lifetime, or at very least heard some talk about it.

Vaginas sometimes get a bad rep just for functioning properly i.e. normal discharge and also for not functioning properly i.e. smelly discharge and imbalanced pH, among other things. I saw a Facebook post the other day that read as follows: “I bet you bitches would be more humble if panty liners didn't exist.” And guess what, he’s probably right. Thank God for panty liners!!!  Although, the post was meant to be a joke and I get it, it still reeked of misogyny and ignorance. Vagina talk is taboo because many women are embarrassed about the subject or feel they are the only ones experiencing vaginal situations. I’m no doctor, but I want to reiterate to some and educate others on the importance of taking care of your vagina so that she doesn’t cause you any drama in the future. Some people actually believe that keeping the kitty pretty by waxing or shaving her is actually taking care of her, but in the words of Spinderella: “That’s not it.” 

The Doctor: First things first, be sure to get your vagina checked by a Gynecologist aka OB/GYN. Going to visit your Gyno can literally be a deciding factor in life or death. Whether you are sexually active, abstinent or a virgin you need to have your vagina and reproductive system checked for fibroids, cancer, disease, etc…

Soap & Water: Please let soap and water be your friends’ ladies. Wash your vagina with a mild soap, preferably DOVE. Use a towel and warm water. Wipe from front to back so as to not bring bacteria from your rear to your vagina. I know this seems basic, but some people still haven’t gotten the memo.

Discharge: It ain’t all that bad. Ladies and gentleman, having discharge is normal. The vagina cleanses itself naturally in the form of normal vaginal discharge. (That’s where panty liners come in) However, your discharge shouldn’t smell. If it does, you need to refer to my first point and go see a physician A-S-A-P.

pH Balance: A smelly vagina doesn’t mean you’re a THOT or that you have that nasty woman’s disease (See Color Purple); it could mean that your pH balance is off. pH refers to the vagina’s acidity level. A vaginal pH of 3.5 - 4.5 indicates that there is a perfect amount of good bacteria (lactobacilli), and no overgrowth of the bad bacteria that can cause odor, irritation and sometimes infection. At its extreme, the result of too much bad bacteria is bacterial vaginosis (BV).

Probiotics: In an effort to keep those acidity levels in check and to prevent yeast infections and BV, it is important to take probiotics like ACIDOPHOLIS to keep the kitty on point.

Foods that make the kitty purr and not smell: If you want a nice smelling vagina, be mindful of the foods you ingest. Eating grapes, pineapples, yogurt, and watermelon helps the vagina smell like GLADE and not GARBAGE. Remember spraying a gallon of Bath & Body Works Cherry Blossom or Love Spell on your va-jay-jay does not prevent bad odor, but what you eat can make all the difference. 

Tynee Talks: #Dating2K16

#Dating2K16

Dating is a tough game to play in 2K16

Dating in 2016 is equivalent to playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. It’s definitely going damage you in some form or fashion. Needless to say, it's a hell of a risk! Dating pretty much sucks. You’ve all heard the horror stories from your boys’ or your homegirls’ in great detail about dating in this ratchet era. Let’s face it, times have changed and people just aren’t the same. People aren’t taking the time to get to know each other, hell people aren’t even taking the time to get to know themselves. Everything seems so rushed and out of order. If we really sat down and thought about it, there are areas in our personal lives that need extreme makeovers, before we let someone take up residence in our hearts and mental spaces. The conditions in which we live in foster such a microwavable life. There's not much time for anything. Or American work/life balance is completely off and causes for man and female relationships to have a strain.  All dudes wanna do is chill and all chicks want to do is give the impression that their relationship is hashtagable i.e, #relationshipgoals.  Ever since Beyonce’ told ya’ll: “I can have another you on a minute, matter fact he'll be here in a minute…” ya’ll ran down the fifty yard line with them lyrics and started replacing people faster than members of Destiny’s Child circa 2001. 

Photo Credit: Google Images 

So what does dating look like in 2016? A MEME, a stupid MEME. People are getting advice on relationships from MEMES. It’s the dumbest, lamest, bull-shiggity I’ve encountered in the 21^st century. And guess what? People are eating it up like a sit-down with Oprah, Dr. Phil, and Steve Harvey at a single's retreat hosted by Iyanla. To know that the strength of your relationship comes from a MEME should frighten you. I know it gives me conflicting emotions. Let’s take a look shall we...

This is Stupid

This on the fence about this one

This pretty much sums it all up

In a nutshell, I don't have the energy to date right now, I need to power up and start over in 2K17.

Tynee Talks to Banner Vodka’s Vice-President of Marketing Quentin Wilson

Tynee Talks to Banner Vodka’s vice-President of Marketing Quentin Wilson

Photo courtesy of  Mr.  Wilson

Tynee Talks: What separates Banner Vodka from the rest?

Quentin Wilson: Banner Vodka is handmade, organic, and the only Vodka in the world made with rainwater. But, what really separates us is that it’s almost guaranteed to not leave you with a hangover.

TT: No hangover? Where can I get this magical drink? Lol

QW: Banner can only be purchased in Texas. We are for sale at all Specs, Total Wine, and Twin Liquor stores.

Photo Credit: specsonline.com

TT: Why is Banner Vodka an essential party staple?

QW:  1. The cost. You can get a 5^th for $17 vs. a 5^th of Ciroc that retails at $27 for a 5^th. 2. It’s known as the “ninja vodka” because it disappears in your drink and mixes well with anything. 3. It’s a smooth taste.

TT: How does Banner Vodka make you feel? Does it get you Lit?

QW:  Don’t let the smooth taste fool you, it gets you where you need to be!

Photo Courtesy of Mr. Wilson

TT: What got you in the business of vodka?

QW: Ironically I was in a Specs where one of the owners of the company was doing some promo for Banner. I asked him what his marketing strategy was, since marketing is my expertise. He said he didn’t have one, and I was pretty much hired on the spot. I’m sticking with the vodka business and Banner because it’s a lifetime movement and it’s never going away.

TT: Ideally what celebrity personifies Banner Vodka’s brand?

QW: The cast of Friends! Lol

TT: Finish this sentence… Banner Vodka is…

QW: A good time!

Photo Courtesy of Mr. Wilson

You can follow all things Banner @bannerdistilling on Instagram

P.S. They make Whiskey too!!!!! 

My Summer as a TEEN MOM aka JENELLE

My Summer as a Teen Mom aka JENELLE

That's Me!!!  My first club experience of Summer Sixteen

 *Disclaimer* No shade to the real Teen Moms out there that are taking care of their children or to the former Teen Moms that have successfully raised their children despite the odds.

I became a Mother six years ago and it has been nothing short of amazing! However, (comma) every now and then we need a break because motherhood isn’t one job, it’s a million jobs under one moniker!  Therefore, I have chronicled my summer as a Teen Mom. I hope you enjoy reading about it as much as I enjoyed experiencing it.***

Around May 2016, my cousin Kendra and I decided that we were going to have an epic summer. Although she lives in Atlanta and I live in Dallas, we made a vow to dedicate Summer Sixteen to ourselves. Since the passing of my Mother in the fall of 2014, I had been in an emotional funk. The sun didn’t seem as sun shiny since she transitioned beyond the clouds and so I was determined to take heed to Drake’s song, Summer Sixteen and personify his lyrics in my life. I was looking for revenge all summer sixteen. I needed revenge against Summer Fifteen, because that summer had me sad, depressed, heartbroken, and utterly confused. I wanted to play dirty and not clean and just enjoy myself. So that’s exactly what I did…

Fast forward to June 2016 and my kid leaves for Michigan to stay with his Dad for the summer.  (Rubs hands like Birdman) 

Gif Credit: http://giphy.com/gifs/lil-wayne-make-it-rain-fat-joe-3oEduZqfSGNG0mdF1C

And that my friends is when my new life as a Teen Mom began. Many of you may or may not be familiar with MTV’s long running reality show Teen Mom, and if you are, you know that half of them girls are the worst depictions of a Teen Mom or any type of Mom for that matter. But, the worst one of `em all is JENELLE. 

Gif Credit: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/gallery/jenelle-evans-gif/

So, as a running joke between me and my best friend, Tonika, I decided to take on some of the characteristics of Teen Mom staple and resident bad girl, Jenelle, who many of my Facebook friends dubbed as “the worst one”! Although, I wasn’t as reckless or careless as Janelle, she became my alter ego for the summer. All summer I was carefree, uninhibited and super Lit! 

How to become a Teen Mom… There are only 5 steps (In my Dru Hill voice)!

Step 1: Cast your offspring off to someone else! In my case I sent him to live with his other 50%. I had no child care expenses and I didn’t have to comb the Earth for a baby sitter! #WIN

Step 2: Turn all the way up!!!

Step 3: Forget the haters! (Don't give a F**k what anyone thinks) Famous words of Jenelle

Step 4: Check on your child sometimes… Geez!

Step 5: Do some things you’ve never done before!

Summer Sixteen went as follows: 

Painted a Masterpiece S/O to The Purple One 

Really get into Kanye's workout plan so you land you an NBA player or at least a dude with a car... It works!!!

Treat yourself... This was a luxury I can't do when I'm Adulting and being a real Mom!! 

Give back to your community (HashtaglunchbafFlint Board Members)

Do Something you've never done before like: travel to California,climb a mountain, and then Twerk on  it!

Love your body and go to the pool in a bangin swimsuit

Attend a futuristic Silent Party  in North Hollywood and catch up with old friends! 

Attempt to go to the BET Awards, but encounter all manner of craziness that can only happen in LA LA LAND aka Hollywood

Be good to yourself, pop bottles, and smile

Oh and Lastly, get your kid back!!!!!!

Oh and so much more happened, but I'd be typing for days if I included everything...

PEACE! 

Tynee Talks to Fitness Model Ashley Wade

Tynee Talks to Fitness Model Ashley Wade

 

Ashley Wade

First, and foremost BLACK GIRLS WORKOUT TOO!!!! I am living proof! I’m just thick wit it. I sat down with Ms. Ashley Wade, Commercial fitness model and personal trainer. I attend Fitness classes on Saturdays at Lorna Jane-Dallas, in an effort to become #Wadestrong and ward off my fat demons and Ashley assists me in this quest. I sat down with Ashley to talk about fitness...

Me & Ashley @lornajanedallas discussing fitness

Tynee Talks: What got you into fitness?

Ashley Wade: I’ve been active since I was a little girl. I always wanted a career that would allow me to be active. I began teaching dance classes as a Tween and whenever I was in large groups I was chosen to lead group fitness activities. I’m very passionate about helping and teaching others. I just love how the body functions, so I majored in Kinesiology at Michigan State University and my dream of making fitness into a career came into fruition.

TT: Do you think it’s a myth that Black women don’t work out?

AW: I absolutely believe it is a myth! As Black women, we care about our health and image just as much as any other group. I think the true myth is that people assume fit equates to skinny and that is definitely false. Fitness is universal and should not be based on color. Everyone needs good health no matter what.

Ladies of all flavors getting #wadestrong

TT: You’re my Fitspiration, so who’s your fitspiration?

AW: People who look up to me are my fitspiration. I know that I can’t “fall off” because they are looking up to me for guidance and reassurance.

TT: How is it being a Fitness model?

AW: There’s a lot of pressure being s fitness model. I am not able to eat what I want all the time. I have to appear a certain way on camera therefore, I have to be mindful of the foods I intake so that I don’t look bloated when I am filmed or photographed. It is my job to physically meet the need of the brand I am representing and sometimes that can be challenging. However, I love what I do, and all that it entails.

TT: What are your go-to Power Foods?

AW: Wheat grass, barley and sarsaparilla. I prefer foods that clean the blood and detoxes the body. What you eat can affect your mental state so it's important to select food that improves the body's functionality. 

TT: What is your Fitness Kryptonite?

AW: Cupcakes!!!!!

TT: Final Words?

AW: Keep Going! Discipline is the difference between success or failure.

You can follow Ashley for fitspiration on:

Instagram: @awadefit24 #wadestrong

Snapchat: @awadefit24

Facebook: Ashley Wade

Tynee Talks Top 10 Foolery of the Week

Tynee Talks Top 10 Foolery of the Week

In case you you’ve been in a coma or somehow took the blue pill and declined being in the Matrix for a while, chances are you missed a whole heap of foolishness this week. I present to you: THE HIGHLIGHTS of this week’s FUCKERY!

• Lil Bow Wow apparently ain’t Black… Who knew?

  

  Photo Credit: Instagram

• Jackie Christie still M-E-S-S-Y... How old is too old? Asking for a friend...

  

  Photo Credit: classyblackgirl.com 

• I’m convinced that Mona Scott Young got the cast of LHHATL from a comic book store located in the bowels of Wal-Mart aka HELL
  
• Deelishis done got on Stevie J’s bus 

  

  Photo Credit: lipstickalley.com 

• Mimi is now an interior designer and will be installing shower rods (No pun intended, I kid, I kid)

  

  Photo Credit: @MrKitt215 

• Trump is still running for President of the United States of America 

  

  Photo Credit: perezhilton.com 

• Pastor Troy told Minnie he ain’t bout no titles, wasn’t too pressed about her alleged “miscarriage” and the look on her LITTLE face sent me! (Little Women ATLANTA)
  
• Momma Dee has a new song, hence someone is giving special Needs persons a chance

  

  Photo Credit: rickeysmileymorningshow.com 

• Apparently, Slaves who built the White House had it good according to Bill O'Reilly; how he came to that conclusion leads me to believe that Cocaine is a hell of a drug!

  

  Photo Credit:
   http://giphy.com/gifs/cocaine-rick-james-chappelle-show-L4TYWQn8rALRu

• Lastly, we’re at WAR with KOREA people! Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife! Let us PRAY. Amen. 

  

  Photo Credit: diylol.com