Am I a Fictional Thot?
Over the last year or so there has been an abundance of fine
male characters gracing the nation’s television screens and I have had impure
thoughts about 90% of them. This led me to believe that I am a Fictional Thot.
My best friend brought the diagnosis to my attention, as of recent, when I was
telling her how fine Wes from How
to Get Away with Murder is, and how I wanted to make out with him in
Professor Keating’s home office. She pointed out to me that I said something
similar about Noah, from Underground, Darius from Atlanta, Ralph Angel from Queen Sugar, Remy from House of Cards, Ricky Jerrett from Ballers, and the list goes on and
on.
It then hit me, like Chris Brown hit Rihanna in 2009. I
realized that I have been a Fictional Thot since my childhood. At age 4, I
declared Ricky from New Edition as my first boyfriend, because he was cute, or
so I thought. My childhood eyes had deceived me. After watching the New Edition
Story on BET, I Googled his old images and proceeded to have a self-talk with myself.
Ricky was the first, but her surely wouldn’t be my last fictional boo! The now
defunct boy group The Boys, were my boyfriends’, just because they said they
would Dial my heart! Q, from Juice was my boyfriend,
because he had, what I learned in later years to be SWAG. Dwayne Wayne and was my boyfriend solely because he was goofy and
had cool glasses. Bud from the Cosby
Show was my boyfriend because he liked Rudy, and I thought I was Rudy.
Come to think of it, it didn’t take much
for me to make you my boyfriend. Wtf, was wrong with me?
Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that as long as I’m not
acting on these impulses in real life; I can continue to conjure up naughty
fantasies in my mind. I can have as many television and movie boyfriends as my
mind can hold!
