Showing posts with label Kindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kindness. Show all posts

Friday, May 13, 2016

Pretending doesn't make it go away: MENTAL ILLNESS

“Pretending it doesn’t exist won’t make it go away.”
-Tynee` Sims


I was good at pretending it wasn't there...I guess it would be easier to tell people my mom was diagnosed with cancer, or suffered from congestive heart failure. People can understand cancer. Both cancer and heart disease are damn near celebrated with the many campaigns, fund raising walks and clothing paraphernalia to don.  But I never like to disclose the fact that my mother had been diagnosed as the following: schizophrenic, manic depressive, bi-polar and mentally ill to name a few. But in reality, my mother actually suffered with DEPRESSION.  Maybe in a few years the powers that be will come up with even more labels to make people like my mom feel isolated from society. Fingers crossed!
My beautiful Mother Beverly
She didn't allow Mental Illness to Stop her Shine!
But, really I never knew what to say to people when my mom had an “episode”. Episode is another term we used to describe what my mother was experiencing when she was in a manic-depressive state. I never wanted to share with the world that my Momma was experiencing a psychotic break and her mind decided to drift off and take an extended vacation at an all-expense paid state funded, bottom of the line treatment facility, better known as a psych ward of a hospital. I rarely ever shared anything concerning my Mother’s mental illness, not even my own feelings. I used to just be like, “she’s sick” or “say a prayer for my Momma.” In all honesty I think I was embarrassed to discuss my mother’s condition. Somehow I felt like I would get judged for an illness that medication could not fix. An uncontrollable illness that I do not suffer from, but often makes me become sorely afraid that someday I may be diagnosed with. According to Mental Health America, Most families are not prepared to cope with learning their loved one has a mental illness. It can be physically and emotionally trying, and can make us feel vulnerable to the opinions and judgments of others.


Mental Health America also reports that: Most people believe that mental disorders are rare and “happen to someone else." An estimated 54 million Americans suffer from some form of mental disorder in a given year. Mental illness is not always easily detected. It’s not always the person with disheveled clothes that has wandering crazy eyes, and is talking out the side of their neck. Sometimes it’s the sweet girl that constantly wears a smile, or the misunderstood kid that has been labeled as a misfit; or maybe it’s the real popular dude who’s always rocking the latest gear. Perhaps it’s the lady that lives down the street whose family no longer comes to visit. It seems as though people are more concerned with the outward appearance of others rather than be concerned with their mental state.



Since May is Mental Illness Awareness Month, let’s stop the stigma associated with mental illness. Let’s stop pretending like it’s not happening. Let’s stop being embarrassed by it. Let’s educate ourselves and love on those who suffer both silently and openly with mental illness. If you or someone you love lives with mental illness don’t be afraid to seek professional help and talk with someone.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Be Kind... You Never Know Who You're Sitting Next To...

BE KIND: You never know who you’re sitting next to…

I work in education and I always tell my students to always be kind to their peers. I encourage them to interact with everyone, not just their clique. I learned this valuable lesson from my beloved mother, Beverly Sims, who always told me and my sister to treat everybody right, because you could be entertaining an angel. This jewel of advice came from a Bible scripture, Hebrews 13:2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.


From the day I started school I was a social butterfly. I would talk to anyone with a pulse, and this behavior still holds true as an adult. My best friend says I will even talk to a wall. Sounds a tad bit nuts, but it’s true. I say all this to say, one should always be polite and kind to others because you never know who you’re sitting next to.


Back in 1997, as a 7th grader at Whittier Middle School in Flint, Michigan, I had no control over the seating arrangement in Mr. Earl Crowder’s math class.
Whittier Middle School, Crapo St. Flint, MI 
I was a very studious student with an affinity for good grades, good laughs and singing. Little did I know I’d be seated next to the school’s resident rebel, Mr. JaQuavis Coleman. “Quavis” as we called him was your typical middle school heartthrob: handsome, athletic, funny and bad as hell! Due to his sense of humor and my love for talking, we became fast friends. JaQuavis would have me cracking up every day from blazing on people to him telling me who his next girlfriend was going to be. If you know me, you know I laugh obnoxiously loud and so I got in trouble every damn day. JaQuavis knew I could sing, so he would request for me to sing to him after I finished my work. This too led to me getting into trouble. My punishment would be a writing assignment from Mr. Crowder, dirty looks from Mr. Crowder and threats of calling my mother from Mr. Crowder. My poor hand would be hurting and my nerves would be shot! Quavis’ punishment was much harsher than mine, he would get his classes closed or kicked out of class. However, none of this would stop us from doing it all over again. Soon our middle school lives would be up and we would enter high school; we remained friends throughout.  Even though Quavis had a “reputation” that I won’t get into, I never once judged him. He was just my friend who always made me laugh and looked out for me if I was low on lunch money. Senior year Quavis and I were both voted “Biggest Flirt”. I think that happened because we were both kind to people, even to the not so cool kids, no matter what. People can often take politeness the wrong way. 


But, I digress. During our Senior year, JaQuavis and I would share one last class together. That class would be DRAMA class. Although we would hang out at lunch, at parties, or when I could convince him to come to church with me, we hadn’t shared a class together since middle school due to me being in the “gifted” program. So we were both geeked to be reunited in class again. And guess what? We sat next to each other. We were back at it again like we had never been separated, cracking jokes, laughing and him telling me about his girlfriend at the time, who would later on become his wife (Hey Ashley). Our teacher at the time, couldn’t understand how a student like me could be friends with a student like JaQuavis. Adults can be so petty sometime. Anyway upon graduating high school administrators, teachers, and others pretty much had high expectations for me. But what would become of Mr. Coleman, who had the world on his shoulders and the odds stacked against him? 


How about Mr. JaQuavis Coleman became a New York Times Bestselling author, producer, screenplay writer and director on they ass!!!!! I am glad to call JaQuavis my friend. I am glad Mr. Crowder allowed us to sit next to each other.I’m glad my Mother taught me not to judge people and to be kind to all those I encounter, because you never know who you could be entertaining unawares. I happened to be entertaining a future mogul.

Author/Director JaQuavis Coleman and I at his movie premiere "White House" is Dallas, TX


JaQuavis isn’t my only successful friend, I could name about 100 more or so, but if you’re reading this I want you to understand the lessons in this story:

Lessons:
1.       The Power of Networking- If at any time I call one of my successful friends for a reference, a word of encouragement or to help my students, they’re always down for the cause
2.       Friendship- Friendships can start at any point in life. True friendship can always pick up where it left off; build friendships with people from all walks of life  
3.       Thou shalt not judge- Friendship may not always fit the bill of a Huxtable kid, Accept people for who they are, not how the world views them (including teachers and adults)
4.       Laughter- Always find a way to laugh
5.       Keep in touch- As we get older our lives become busy, but always find a way to at least say HEY!
6.       SUPPORT- Always support your friends in their endeavors!


Who knew that the kid I sat next to, who got me in trouble would grow up take over the world?


A few of my Successful Friends/Family:
1.       Jon Connor- Rapper/Songwriter/Producer on Aftermath @jonconnormusic (Instagram)
2.       Tonika Arline- University of Michigan-Flint  Rockstar of Admissions
3.       Kendra Cochran- Makeup Artist @kcofaces (Instagram)
4.       Tiffany Cole-Allen- Technical Designer/CEO of Non-Profit Org: Fashion Focus Initiative
5.       Chuniq Inpower- NFL Players Association Digital Content Manager/CEO Just Regular Girls
6.       Karhema Simon- A woman in S.T.E.M. that rocks!
7.       Quintisha “Molly” Burns- Fitness motivator/Awesome Mom @napturalmolly (Instagram)
8.       Laneishia Lamb- Fashion Designer/CEO Pretty Geeky Bowtique @prettygeekybowtique (Instagram)
9.       Trevon Davis-  Singer/Actor/Broadway Star @instagramtrevon (Instagram)
1.   Pamela Balentine- Financial Guru/ Owner/CEO Viking Financial Services
1.   Keysa Smith- Owner/Chef Spectacular Spudz @spectacularspudz (Instagram)
1.   Brianna Grier- Owner D-Town Coney Island Dallas, Texas @dtownconeyisland (Instagram)
1.   Kala Wilburn- Fashion Designer/Founder Vehicle City Fashion Week @kalasantrese (Instagram)

There’s more, but I’ll stop here for now…


Til Next Time… Be Kind 

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